Eight Countries, Four Time Zones, One Frozen Champagne Disaster: My Second Around-the-World Adventure

Most people return from an around-the-world trip and think, "That was enough excitement for one lifetime." I apparently looked at my first around-the-world pub crawl and thought, "Perhaps I should do another one." This is why travel planning should never be done while holding a passport and a credit card.

Before long, I had assembled an itinerary that made perfect sense on paper and increasingly less sense in reality. The route would take me from London to Baku, Dubai, Kathmandu, Singapore, Seoul, Tokyo, Los Angeles, Mexico and eventually back home.

What could possibly go wrong? As it turns out, quite a lot. Which is exactly what made it memorable.

Baku: Formula One, Russian Champagne and Unexpected Sophistication

The adventure began in Baku.

If you've never been, Azerbaijan's capital feels like somebody gave Dubai a Soviet history book and unlimited funding. Glass skyscrapers rise beside ancient buildings while grand boulevards stretch towards the Caspian Sea.

The city was busy preparing for Formula One. Grandstands were appearing, barriers were being installed and workers seemed to be transforming half the city into a racetrack. It felt as though I'd accidentally wandered backstage before a major production.

The real discovery, however, was the sparkling wine. Like many people, I arrived with very little knowledge of Russian and former Soviet sparkling wines. I left wondering why more people don't talk about them. Some were genuinely excellent and considerably better than their price tags suggested. As a wine merchant, discovering affordable sparkling wine is a bit like an archaeologist finding treasure. Except the treasure makes dinner more interesting.

My departure from Baku produced one final memorable moment. My flight was leaving ridiculously early so I headed down to reception around 6am to check out. The hotel appeared completely deserted. After several minutes of searching, I eventually located the receptionist asleep under the desk.

Wanting to be polite, I gently said hello. The receptionist immediately woke up screaming. Not shouting. Not gasping. Properly screaming. It was the sort of noise usually associated with horror films and unexpected tax bills. I suspect he'd been having a vivid dream and was deeply unhappy to discover a British wine merchant suddenly standing in front of him. Once his heart rate returned to acceptable levels, I checked out and headed to the airport feeling mildly guilty.

Dubai: The World's Most Expensive Layover

Most people spend a layover sitting in an airport. I went looking for a pub as this felt like a better use of my time.

My stop in Dubai was just long enough to escape the airport and investigate a newly opened Oktoberfest-themed venue. There was something delightfully strange about drinking German beer in the middle of the Arabian Peninsula while surrounded by people from every corner of the planet.

Dubai specialises in these contradictions. Everything feels slightly improbable and somehow completely normal at the same time.

Before long I was heading back to the airport realsing i was going to visit three countries in a single day.

Kathmandu: India's Relaxed Cousin

Nepal was one of the biggest surprises of the trip.

The best way I can describe Kathmandu is that it feels a little like India after somebody has adjusted the volume settings. The colours, energy and atmosphere are all there but without quite the same level of sensory assault. It was wonderfully chaotic without becoming overwhelming.

I quickly developed an unhealthy relationship with Nepalese chow mein. Massive portions appeared everywhere and seemed perfectly designed for travellers. Every meal arrived in quantities that suggested the chef believed I was preparing for a Himalayan expedition.

The craft beer scene also caught me by surprise. When most people think of Nepal, beer isn't usually the first thing that comes to mind. Yet there were some genuinely enjoyable breweries producing drinks that stood proudly beside offerings from countries far more famous for beer.

The journey to the airport provided another highlight. After spending the evening sampling local craft beers downtown, I decided the quickest way to reach the airport was by motorcycle taxi. This decision felt sensible for approximately thirty seconds.

My driver appeared to believe traffic laws were more of a philosophical suggestion than an actual set of rules. We launched ourselves into Kathmandu rush hour with complete confidence and absolutely no concern for personal longevity. Cars, buses, pedestrians and livestock all became obstacles in a high-speed video game that only he seemed capable of understanding.

Somehow we survived. I arrived at the airport with a renewed appreciation for life and a strong desire to sit down quietly for a while.

Singapore: Slowly Roasting On A Sightseeing Bus

Singapore was spectacular. It was also incredibly hot.

In an effort to see as much of the city as possible, I boarded one of those open-top sightseeing buses. The idea sounded sensible at the time. The top deck offered excellent views. It also offered approximately the same shade coverage as standing inside a microwave. As the day progressed, I could feel myself slowly transforming into a medium-rare British tourist. There was no escape. Every seat felt like it had been preheated specifically for my arrival. The city itself was fascinating, but by the end of the tour I would have happily traded every landmark for a small cloud.

The Dumpling Symphony

Singapore also introduced me to one of the loudest restaurants I've ever experienced. The food was excellent. The problem wasn't the cooking, it was the customers. The restaurant was packed with diners enthusiastically attacking bowls of noodles, dumplings and soups. The collective sound of hundreds of people eating with complete commitment created an astonishing level of noise. It was like sitting inside an orchestra composed entirely of chewing. Every few minutes I'd try to focus on the food before another chorus of slurping erupted from somewhere nearby.

The dumplings were superb but the soundtrack was unforgettable.

Seoul: Twelve Hours And One Very Questionable Hotel

My visit to Seoul lasted roughly twelve hours, which wasn't enough time to understand South Korea but was apparently enough time to book a hotel that looked suspiciously popular with tired salarymen and people avoiding awkward questions. The rooms featured heavily padded doors and an atmosphere that suggested discretion was considered an important design feature.

I decided to focus instead on food. This proved challenging because I'd arrived with ambitious plans to hunt down Michelin-starred restaurants. Unfortunately, my timing was spectacularly bad. Everything I wanted to visit appeared to be closed. After wandering around the city growing steadily hungrier, I eventually found myself eating a sausage roll from a 7-Eleven. It wasn't quite the culinary experience I'd imagined. Yet there was something wonderfully honest about travelling halfway around the world in search of world-class cuisine and ending up eating convenience-store pastry at midnight.

Tokyo And The Art Of Bowing

Japan was magnificent as ever.

One evening I treated myself to a tiny sushi restaurant where an elderly sushi master prepared everything directly in front of me. The experience was fascinating. It was also incredibly slow. Every piece of sushi appeared to receive the same level of attention normally devoted to restoring Renaissance artwork. Watching him work was genuinely impressive but after an hour I began wondering whether I might reach retirement before dinner arrived. Fortunately there was excellent beer available. By the time the food finally appeared, I'd consumed enough Japanese beer to stop worrying about the pace entirely. The sushi was exceptional.

Japan was also the first country where I became acutely aware of my complete inability to bow correctly. There seemed to be different bows for different situations. Small bows. Medium bows. Deep bows. Ninety-degree bows that looked like they required specialist training. At one point I watched somebody running towards another person while simultaneously performing a formal bow. The coordination involved was genuinely impressive.

Meanwhile, I was still trying to work out whether I'd already bowed too much or not enough. Every interaction became a diplomatic exercise involving trial and error. Fortunately, Japanese people are exceptionally polite. This probably saved me repeatedly.

The Airline That Didn't Trust Me

The flight to Los Angeles introduced me to one of my favourite airline moments ever. The airline charged for absolutely everything. Want a snack? Pay. Want a drink? Pay. Want another drink? Prepare for an interrogation. After ordering a second glass of wine, a member of cabin crew politely asked whether I could handle it and whether I intended to disrupt the aircraft. I was slightly offended. Mainly because I hadn't yet started singing. At no point had I attempted to run through the cabin performing "Knees Up Mother Brown." Yet somehow this possibility appeared to concern them. I assured them civilisation would survive. The wine arrived shortly afterwards.

Cabo: Beaches, Buses and Absolute Madness

Mexico began wonderfully.

I caught a local bus from the airport to my Airbnb and immediately felt as though I'd stepped into a film. Locals climbed aboard carrying tools, brooms and gardening equipment while the landscape rolled past outside. It felt authentic. It felt interesting. It felt exactly like the sort of experience that never appears in luxury travel brochures.

The beaches were stunning. The sea was beautiful. The food, unfortunately, remained a challenge. I know this is borderline heresy but Mexican cuisine and I have never fully understood each other. It's not the flavours. It's the textures. Many meals arrived looking delicious while simultaneously possessing the consistency of expensive building materials. I persevered bravely.

The Swimming Pool Incident

Then things became even stranger.

One afternoon I witnessed two very naked plump elderly American ladies being chased around a swimming pool by three security guards. As a traveller, you occasionally encounter scenes where your brain simply stops processing information and accepts that reality has become temporarily unsupervised. This was one of those moments. Nobody in the hotel appeared surprised which somehow made it even funnier.

The Long Way Home

The return journey should have been straightforward. Naturally, it wasn't.

My flight was cancelled.

This transformed a simple journey into a transatlantic puzzle involving Los Angeles, Frankfurt and eventually London. The upside was an unexpected business-class upgrade. The downside was discovering that luxury doesn't always mean comfort. The champagne flowed freely but the seats were so narrow that turning over required strategic planning.

Then came the great champagne disaster. Someone had thoughtfully placed bottles in a freezer to quickly cool down. Unfortunately, someone had forgotten to remove them. As a result, an entire section of business class found itself waiting for premium sparkling wine to thaw. I've attended wine tastings in some unusual places. Waiting for frozen champagne to defrost at 35,000 feet was a new one.

Why I Keep Doing This

Looking back, the trip made very little sense. It involved endless flights, absurd connections, mystery hotels, frozen champagne, suspicious airline interrogations and enough noodles to feed a small village.

It was exhausting. It was ridiculous. It was absolutely wonderful.

That's the thing about travel. The stories you remember aren't usually the efficient ones. They're the strange moments, the unexpected discoveries and the situations that nobody could have planned.

Three years later, I barely remember the flight numbers. I remember the bowing. I remember the chowmein. I remember the Oktoberfest pub in Dubai. And I remember wondering why an airline believed a second glass of wine might turn me into an airborne pub singer.

For the record, they were probably right.