Japan: Sake, Sumo & Seriously Strange Stuff

Welcome! You've just landed in Tokyo, a city where the trains apologise for being 30 seconds late and the toilets can apparently launch a space shuttle. Once we've checked into our hotel and worked out how to operate the bathroom, we'll head straight into Shinjuku's gloriously atmospheric drinking alleys.

Our first mission involves tiny izakayas, sizzling skewers, cold Japanese beer and a crash course in local drinking etiquette. We'll learn how to toast in Japanese, why you should pour drinks for your companions and how to squeeze twelve people into a bar designed for four.

Tonight's objective: Learn to say kanpai without accidentally ordering twelve bowls of noodles.

Today we're investigating sumo wrestling, Japan's magnificent national sport, where enormous gentlemen wearing very little attempt to throw each other out of a circle. We'll experience this extraordinary tradition through a tournament or alternative sumo activity.

Afterwards, it's time for a Japanese food adventure. We'll explore bustling markets, sample extraordinary street food and discover why the Japanese can make almost anything delicious, including ingredients that look suspiciously capable of escaping from your plate.

Tonight, more local drinking dens await. Somebody will confidently order something they can't pronounce. It won't be what they expected.

We're heading into Tokyo's gloriously peculiar side, exploring Akihabara's retro gaming arcades, eccentric shops and electronic inventions that solve problems nobody knew existed.

Later, we'll get properly acquainted with sake during a guided tasting, discovering how Japanese brewers transform humble rice into something infinitely more interesting.

Tonight, karaoke. Private rooms, microphones and an unfortunate shortage of musical talent. By the third song, somebody will believe they're Freddie Mercury. By the fifth, we'll be considering an official apology to Japan.

We're escaping Tokyo for Yamanashi, Japan's beautiful wine region beneath Mount Fuji. Yes, Japan makes wine and no, it isn't all made from rice.

We'll visit two proper wineries, meet the people producing Japan's increasingly impressive wines and discover local grapes including Koshu and Muscat Bailey A. Expect cellar visits, generous conversations about wine and a few surprises in the glass.

Tonight, we'll enjoy local food and wine against a spectacular mountain backdrop, assuming Mount Fuji hasn't pulled its usual trick of hiding behind a cloud.

Our Japanese wine investigation continues with two more wineries, because travelling halfway around the world and only visiting a couple would be frankly irresponsible.

We'll compare winemaking styles, sample unusual local varieties and investigate the region's fascinating food traditions. There'll also be time for mountain scenery and a proper look at Mount Fuji.

By now, somebody who arrived claiming they didn't really like white wine will be buying six bottles of Koshu and researching excess baggage charges.

Today we're off to Kyoto, travelling on Japan's wonderfully efficient railway network. It's a remarkable experience for anyone accustomed to British trains, where arriving on the correct day can sometimes feel like an achievement.

We'll explore atmospheric historic streets, discover Kyoto's fascinating geiko and maiko traditions and investigate some of Japan's most extraordinary architecture.

Tonight, a traditional Japanese dinner awaits. Meanwhile, the toilet investigation continues. Somebody has discovered the heated seat. Somebody else has accidentally activated the bidet. Nobody is making eye contact.

Today we're heading into Fushimi, one of Japan's most celebrated sake-producing districts. We'll explore two breweries or specialist sake experiences, discover the secrets of fermentation and sample different styles of Japan's most famous traditional drink.

We'll meet the people keeping centuries-old brewing traditions alive and learn why sake can be delicate, fruity, rich, dry or occasionally powerful enough to make you forget which train you're catching.

Later, we'll investigate Fushimi Inari's spectacular red shrine gates. There are thousands of them. After the first few hundred, somebody will inevitably ask where the bar is.

We're heading to Kobe, famous for its world-class beef and the historic Nada sake district. We'll investigate two more sake producers, comparing brewing styles and discovering why this region has become such an important part of Japan's drinks culture.

Then it's time to investigate Kobe beef, produced from carefully raised cattle whose reputation has travelled around the world. We'll discover what makes it special and why ordering the finest cuts can cause your credit card to emit a small whimper.

Afterwards, it's onwards to Osaka, a city that takes food, drinking and enormous illuminated restaurant signs extremely seriously.

Today we're investigating Japanese whisky, a drink that started out inspired by Scotland and ended up commanding prices that would make a Scottish landlord faint.

Our plan is to visit the legendary Yamazaki Distillery, subject to securing reservations, to discover the extraordinary craftsmanship behind Japanese whisky. We'll explore production methods, maturation and the influence of different casks, with opportunities for guided tasting.

Later, we'll investigate specialist whisky bars and discover why some bottles are displayed behind glass with the sort of security normally reserved for royal jewellery.

Today's challenge: Find a whisky older than your guide that doesn't require a mortgage.

One whisky day would be terribly unfair, so we're having another. This time, we'll investigate the extraordinary variety of Japanese whisky, comparing famous names and discovering the differences between single malts, blends, peated whiskies and different cask finishes.

Then comes the grand blind tasting where we'll remove the labels and see whether anybody can actually tell the difference between an expensive whisky and one that doesn't require a second mortgage.

Expect confident declarations of "subtle sandalwood", "delicate orchard fruits" and "a hint of Japanese oak", followed by the crushing revelation that somebody's favourite was the cheapest glass on the table.

Tonight, we'll investigate Osaka's whisky bars and the art of the Japanese highball. All in the name of research, naturally.

Our final full day takes us into Osaka's gloriously chaotic food scene, where enormous illuminated crabs climb buildings, octopus balls are a local delicacy and apparently nobody has heard of portion control.

We'll sample local specialities, explore lively markets and discover Japan's increasingly adventurous craft beer scene.

Tonight comes the grand finale: The Tipple Tours Japanese Booze Olympics! Expect entirely unofficial awards for the worst karaoke performance, the most spectacular chopstick failure, the guest who spent the most on whisky and the person most likely to return home and install a Japanese toilet.

We'll finish with a fantastic farewell dinner, plenty of laughter and one final kanpai to a country that has somehow managed to be completely bonkers and magnificently civilised at the same time.

Sadly, it's time to head home. You'll leave with a suitcase full of strange snacks, a newfound appreciation of Japanese booze, several hundred photographs and possibly an alarming credit card statement from a whisky bar. Some guests will have fallen in love with sake. Others will have discovered Japanese wine. At least one person will be investigating the cost of importing a high-tech toilet. And everybody will have a few stories that probably shouldn't be repeated at the next family gathering.