Vietnam: The Beautifully Bonkers Beer & Bizarre Bites Tour

Touch down in Hanoi, Vietnam's gloriously chaotic capital, where approximately eight million motorbikes appear to be competing for the same square metre of road.

We'll collect you from the airport, whisk you to our centrally located hotel and give you time to unpack, shower and practise saying "another beer, please" in Vietnamese.

Tonight we hit Hanoi's famous beer streets, where the beer flows freely, the pavements double as pubs and the chairs appear to have been designed for four-year-olds. Your first challenge is simple: lower yourself onto a tiny plastic stool without requiring assistance from the fire brigade.

Over our welcome feast, we'll sample local specialities, discover bia hơi, Vietnam's famous fresh draught beer and meet our fellow adventurers.

By the end of the evening, you'll know everyone's name, favourite beer and possibly far more about their medical history than you ever wanted.

Tonight's highlight: The Official Tipple Tours Plastic Stool Initiation.

Overnight: Hanoi.

After breakfast, explore Hanoi's fascinating Old Quarter, colourful markets, historic temples and backstreets.

We'll learn about the city's history, meet local traders and discover why crossing the road requires confidence, commitment and a complete disregard for everything you learned in the Green Cross Code.

Lunch is a street-food safari featuring bánh mì, bún chả, crispy spring rolls and delicious Vietnamese dishes.

Then comes our first optional culinary challenge: trứng vịt lộn, a fertilised duck egg cooked and served with herbs, lime and seasoning. In Britain, we put eggs in sandwiches. In Vietnam, sometimes the egg is considerably further along in its career.

After that, we'll investigate Hanoi's craft beer scene, tasting modern Vietnamese brews and learning how local breweries are putting their own spin on familiar beer styles.

Tonight: the Great Plastic Stool Olympics. Events include sitting down gracefully, standing up without making elderly-person noises and successfully ordering another round.

Tonight's award: The Golden Egg of Courage.

Overnight: Hanoi.

Today we escape the capital and head south to the spectacular landscapes of Ninh Bình, a place so beautiful that Hollywood decided to film bits of Kong: Skull Island nearby.

We'll cruise through the extraordinary waterways of Tràng An, passing towering limestone mountains, ancient temples and mysterious caves. Our boat may be rowed by someone using their feet, a skill most of us struggle to achieve even with our hands.

Lunch brings local specialities, including Ninh Bình's famous goat dishes and crispy rice. More adventurous guests can investigate goat offal, while everyone else can concentrate on the scenery. There's also time to explore the countryside before returning to Hanoi.

Tonight we're heading to a traditional Vietnamese beer hall, where we'll compare fresh beer, local lagers and the drinking customs of a country that has turned sitting outside with friends into a national art form.

Today's award: Most Impressive Goat-Related Facial Expression.

Overnight: Hanoi.

We're flying south to Da Nang where the beaches are beautiful, the seafood is spectacular and someone has built an enormous bridge shaped like a dragon.

After arriving, we'll explore the city's markets, sample regional specialities and investigate the local craft beer scene.

Central Vietnam is famous for its bold flavours, including fermented fish sauces that announce their arrival several minutes before the waiter does.

We'll try dishes such as mì Quảng, a delicious local noodle speciality, and bánh xèo, crispy savoury pancakes.

If our dates coincide with the Dragon Bridge's scheduled fire-and-water display, we'll watch a giant metal dragon breathe flames across the city.

Later we head to Hoi An, our beautiful base for the next three nights.

Today's award: Most Dramatic Reaction to Fermented Fish Sauce.

Overnight: Hoi An.

Hoi An is one of Vietnam's most enchanting towns, with lantern-filled streets, ancient merchant houses and a riverside that looks ridiculously romantic. Naturally, we'll begin by dragging everyone around a food market.

Meet local vendors, learn about Vietnamese ingredients and discover vegetables you've never seen before, several of which may require a lengthy explanation.

Then it's time for our hands-on cooking class. Under the supervision of a patient Vietnamese chef, we'll attempt to create local dishes without setting fire to the kitchen, insulting the ingredients or accidentally inventing a new form of biological warfare.

After lunch, explore the ancient town, visit local shops or get something tailor-made.

Later we'll sample more Vietnamese craft beers, including styles made with tropical fruit and regional ingredients where available.

As darkness falls, Hoi An transforms into a magical world of glowing lanterns and riverside bars.

Today's award: The Golden Wok, presented to whoever produces the least alarming-looking lunch.

Overnight: Hoi An.

This morning we're heading into the coconut waterways to climb aboard traditional Vietnamese basket boats. These extraordinary circular bamboo vessels look like giant floating washing-up bowls, and the local boatmen can spin them with astonishing skill. Spinning is optional. Dignity is not guaranteed.

After lunch comes our second unusual food adventure, exploring some of Vietnam's lesser-known regional ingredients. Depending on seasonal availability and safe sourcing, we may encounter crispy crickets, silkworm pupae, unusual seafood or fermented delicacies. Imagine ordering a sharing platter and discovering half of it once had six legs. We'll learn how these foods fit into local culinary traditions, rather than treating them purely as novelty challenges.

Later, relax on the beach with a cold beer as the sun sets over the South China Sea.

Today's award: The Golden Grasshopper, for outstanding bravery in the face of lunch.

Overnight: Hoi An.

Fly south to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam's biggest metropolis, where the traffic is even more ambitious than Hanoi's.

We'll explore the city's fascinating historic centre, bustling markets, colourful neighbourhoods and extraordinary street-food scene.

Lunch might include bánh mì, grilled pork, seafood or a steaming bowl of hủ tiếu noodles.

But the real excitement begins tonight as Saigon has developed a thriving independent craft beer scene, and we're heading out to discover it. Expect creative IPAs, tropical fruit beers, dark stouts and local interpretations of international styles, with plenty of delicious Vietnamese snacks along the way. We'll meet fellow beer enthusiasts, discover the stories behind the breweries and conduct some extremely serious research into which beer deserves another glass.

Today's award: Most Convincing Impression of Someone Who Understands Craft Beer Terminology.

Overnight: Ho Chi Minh City.

Today we visit the famous Củ Chi Tunnels, an extraordinary underground network used during the Vietnam War.

Our local guide will explain the history of the tunnels, how people lived underground and the remarkable ingenuity involved in their construction. There's an opportunity to enter a specially adapted section of tunnel, although anyone who dislikes confined spaces can remain comfortably above ground. Some of the tunnels are so narrow that getting inside may require more optimism than physics.

Back in Saigon, we'll explore the city's extraordinary street-food culture.

Tonight's optional adventure includes grilled frogs, snails cooked with lemongrass, unusual seafood and other regional specialities. And for those who prefer a more conventional dinner, Vietnam has enough fantastic food to keep everyone happy.

Today's award: Most Likely to Ask for a Knife and Fork During a Cultural Experience.

Overnight: Ho Chi Minh City.

Tonight we're planning something special. And by special, we mean the sort of evening that will have your friends back home questioning your holiday choices.

We're taking over a private space at a Vietnamese craft brewery or specialist beer venue for an exclusive Tipple Tours beer-and-food banquet. Our host for the evening will be a local brewer, who'll guide us through Vietnam's drinking culture, explain the beers and introduce a selection of unusual regional dishes.

Before dinner, we'll hold The Great Vietnamese Blind Beer Challenge. Four mystery beers. No labels. No clues. Just your taste buds, your confidence and the growing realisation that the beer you confidently identified as an expensive Belgian IPA might actually be a Vietnamese lager.

After dinner, our brewer reveals the mystery beers and explains the pairings.

Then it's time for the Tipple Tours Golden Plastic Stool Awards, including Best Beer Detective, Most Adventurous Eater, Worst Vietnamese Pronunciation and the highly coveted "I Came for a Beer and Accidentally Ate a Biology Lesson" Award.

We finish with a farewell toast, plenty of laughter and an evening that nobody is likely to forget.

One last Vietnamese breakfast, a strong coffee and a final chance to exchange photos that should probably never reach social media.

Airport transfers and departures throughout the day.

You'll leave with new friends, extraordinary memories, a much broader understanding of Vietnamese beer culture and the ability to identify at least three things that shouldn't normally appear in a British pub lunch.

Congratulations. You've survived Vietnam. Your group WhatsApp chat probably won't.